choose joy

not so black and white

2012-02-13T12:41:00.002-06:00

The text for the left brain reads:

“I am the left brain. I am a scientist. A mathematician. I love the familiar. I categorize. I am accurate. Linear. Analytical. Strategic. I am practical. Always in control. A master of words and language. Realistic. I calculate equations and play with numbers. I am order. I am logic. I know exactly who I am.”

for the right brain:

“I am the right brain. I am creativity. A free spirit. I am passion. Yearning. Sensuality. I am the sound of roaring laughter. I am taste. The feeling of sand beneath bare feet. I am movement. Vivid colors. I am the urge to paint on an empty canvas. I am boundless imagination. Art. Poetry. I sense. I feel. I am everything I wanted to be.”

i am anxious today, a bit all over the place. painfully aware of how, for me, life is not black and white. there are a million shades of gray (not to mention all the colors!). right and wrong is not absolute. decisions are not concrete.

i change my mind. i struggle with what i know and what i feel and what i want. they are so rarely congruent.

so for today, i give you this ad. because for some reason it brought a little smile to my face on this otherwise puzzling day.

love

2012-02-09T12:28:00.003-06:00

here via here

you may remember my musings awhile back about life for us 20-somethings.

trying to be better, do better, find that happily ever after.

i know so many people my age who are in transition, are feeling lost or stuck.

i wish i had a crystal ball to help us all, but since i don't, i just have to believe that we will continue to find our way, slowly but surely. trial and error.

today, my focus is a simple one. to tell the people in my life what i love about them. instead of just thinking things, i want to say them out loud. give compliments more freely. love more openly. put more and more good things and positive energy out into the world.

join me, will you? it might just be a little thing but imagine the difference it could make.

a little hump day

2012-02-08T09:38:00.002-06:00

here via here

one. i am thankful for birthday plans. plans for the birthdays of friends. plans for my own. birthdays are fun. who doesn't love a reason to celebrate?

two. i am thankful that my patience seems to be improving slightly. that my ability to let go is increasing. not completely but little by little.

three. i am thankful that it is wednesday. one day closer to the weekend.

four. i am thankful to my dear friends who let me vent when needed. even if i am being silly and they have heard it all before.

five. i am thankful that the repairs to my car will hopefully be done soon. i do not heart my rental car, though i am thankful that i have one. i will be so happy to be reunited with my car.

it's hump day. take a moment to recognize what you're thankful for. see the silver lining. smile.

fix it

2012-02-07T12:11:00.003-06:00

here

some days we surprise ourselves. our power, our abilities, the way things change.

a friend told me to fix a situation the other day. i told him it wasn't going to happen. he told me to be persistent. that if i wanted to fix it, i could. that i hadn't done everything in my ability.

it isn't fixed. it will never be the way it used to be, and that's for the better.

but today a baby olive branch was extended. acknowledgment of the well wishes and positive energy.

it isn't fixed. it still hurts. yet i feel a little better knowing i did what i wanted to. that i didn't choose the path of resentment and anger like others told me to. i followed the path that normal me would follow, and it's her - that girl - that i am trying to find my way back to. she's pretty cool, we all miss her.

all we can do is be ourselves. if we do that, things have a way of working out.

all dolled up

2012-02-06T10:49:00.004-06:00

saturday night i volunteered at the wamso vintages of note event.

our jobs were pretty easy. i had to wear around a chinchilla capelet that was in the silent auction. kate and anna had to provide info about the wine pull. basically we all worked together.

anna, stef, kate

anna, stef, kate, jodi (the reason we get roped into so much fun!)

later in the night, during the live auction, kate and i had to be "in character" for two of the live auction items. i was wearing a mink coat for a mad men martini party and kate was modeling ski apparel for aspen fashion week (i so want the hat she's wearing!).we were very good at being in character when we were just goofing around in the hallway. when it came to actually walking on stage and being vamp. well, that was a little out of our comfort zone.
my pal jim did my hair. don't you love it? he's so great. visit him.

the weekend

2012-02-03T14:22:00.002-06:00

it's almost here. finally.

there is something about coming back from vacation that makes the work week move in slow motion. particularly fridays.

this weekend will entail...

a birthday dinner,

laundry with my puppy,

getting dolled up to volunteer at a fundraiser,

hopefully some rest and lots of laughs.

we'll see what else.

happy friday, my chickadees!

forgive for yourself

2012-02-02T12:34:00.003-06:00

here

getting hurt is part of life. a part that sucks.

we tell ourselves these things happen for a reason. we tell ourselves to let go and move on. we tell ourselves we're better off, that we deserve better. we tell ourselves lots of things. some are true and some are to make us feel better.

sometimes we're ready to act on those thoughts and sometimes what we know to be true and what we want to be true just don't match up yet.

what i do know is that my anger hurts me more than it hurts the one i'm mad at. it puts my life on hold. my ability to move forward.

the very best gift we can give ourselves in these moments is to let go of our anger. forgive the ones who hurt us, even if they don't acknowledge that they did. (believe me, i know this is not easy to accomplish.)

this is my one life. it is up to me to make the most of it. i, for one, would rather live my days with love in my heart than a grudge. i will find a way to choose joy.

hump day

2012-02-01T13:12:00.002-06:00

here

one. i am thankful for a most wonderful stress-free weekend. it was exactly what i needed.

two. i am thankful that i am closer to finding peace and returning to the real me than i have been in a long time. thank you, friends, for your patience and love.

three. i am thankful for my desire for resolution but also for the understanding when there is nothing left to do. sometimes time and patience is all we have to offer, not forever but for the moment.

four. i am thankful that a soldier very dear to my heart is nearly home on a two week leave. though i likely won't see him, it makes my heart happy to know he is able to relax and spend time with those he loves.

five. i am thankful that i really do believe i have been able to let go just a little bit. let go a little to schedules and lists and just live and go with the flow a little more. (emphasis on the "a little," let's not get too excited.)

what are you thankful for my dears? i encourage you to remember that this is your life, the choice is yours.

a weekend escape

2012-01-31T11:50:00.005-06:00

i had a little getaway to arizona this past weekend with one of my bff's, jim (if you need a hair professional, go see jim at hotel ivy's spa and salon in minneapolis - he's the best!). the trip kind of snuck up on us. to the point that last monday i sent him a message and said, "umm... we leave on friday. maybe we should talk?"

i had laundry to do, which meant i got to visit my pupster before i left. isn't she the cutest?!

what did we do in phoenix you ask? a whole lot of nothing and it was absolutely perfect.

we stayed at the sheraton downtown (great service!). we sat by the pool...
ate yummy food...
went out at night...laughed a lot and were very, very silly.i cannot explain to you all the weird things that happened and coincidences we kept noticing (all happening while i was reading the celestine prophesy.)

it was one of the most perfect, stress-free vacations i have had in a long time. thank you, jim, for being my partner-in-crime! i can't wait for our next adventure!

hump day

2012-01-25T10:14:00.003-06:00

here

2012. you are challenging me. not in a good way. i had high hopes for you. i said it was going to be a great year. a year of new beginnings focused on finding peace. you are making peace difficult for me right now. i am at the end of my little rope. 2011 was a giant challenge, i needed a break. it hasn't arrived yet. all i have to say is, you better not be a 2006 or i just plain quit. seriously.

however, on that note... things, i suppose, could be worse.

one. i am thankful that i did not hit the poor pedestrian in the sidewalk when i got rear-ended last night.

two. i am thankful that i am not so seriously hurt. just sore.

three. i am thankful for my first snowboarding adventure.

four. i am thankful i get to get on a plane friday morning for a mini-vaca with jim.

five. i am thankful for the patience of good friends who continually try to show me the sunny side. (my ability to see the sunny side and choose joy is temporarily derailed, but i will snap out of it quickly. hopefully.)

always there are things to be thankful for. see them. i'm trying, are you?

to learn to snowboard... attempt one.

2012-01-24T07:22:00.002-06:00

this is not crossed off the list yet. because i didn't learn how to snowboard. i'm trying though.
i did go down the hill, holding on to my oh so patient teacher, lyle, for dear life.

we all know it was about the outfit anyway. kidding. sort of. i just thought i would make a cute snowbunny. turns out, i do.
it was about more than fashion though. it was about finding a way to not loathe winter. finding new fun things to do with friends. trying new things during this year of new beginnings.

i was thinking this morning about other people i may have tried to learn from over the years. other people who may have been willing to teach me (or other people who said they would take me and leave me at the top of the hill). in my head it looks like a recipe for disaster. yet this experience, this first attempt, was a laughter filled day.

it's a work in progress, my oh so sore body can attest to that. yet i'm looking forward to attempt number two. maybe, just maybe, i'll try going down the hill by myself next time. i make no promises.

saying it out loud

2012-01-19T14:45:00.007-06:00

here via here

sometimes saying things out loud is too much. it's too hard. or if i do say it out loud it turns sarcastic to cover up the truth.

sometimes i write things down just so that i can re-read them. just so i can know what my heart is really trying to tell me.

sometimes i know the truth, i just don't want to admit it. admitting it to myself is hard enough, let alone to other people.

yet sometimes it is the writing or the speaking that makes something real. today, that is what happened for me.

there is a goodbye coming up. someone who has come to be a dear friend, parting ways. in trying to figure out how to say goodbye i wrote a letter.

what i wrote didn't surprise me. it was something i knew all along. yet it made it real. it made the situation real. the goodbye real.

my feelings... real.

some days i wish things were different. i wish that i was the kind of girl you wanted to be with. i wish i was the kind of girl you wanted to bring out. like the night you suggested i come out with your crew. when you walked around with a hand on my back, as if you wanted to be by me, not like you felt you had to be. you introduced me as “your girl” even though i knew i wasn’t. despite the fact that some days i wish these things to be true, i know that they won’t ever be. too different, wrong for each other when it comes to love. i know that we are not meant to be together, but some days knowing to be true and wanting to be true aren’t the same.

saying it out loud doesn't bring the knowing and the wanting into congruence, but it is an acknowledgment of what's real. that is all i ask of me. to be real and honest. my full-disclosure policy.

perhaps it is why i have always loved writing so much, so i can say it out loud at my own pace. in my own time. letting my heart speak, my words ringing true.

hump day

2012-01-18T10:55:00.002-06:00

here

one. i am thankful for the long weekend and time spent catching up with good friends.

two. i am thankful for friends who like to tag-team otherwise less than fun projects. errands are more fun in tandem.

three. i am thankful that this oh so cold winter air is just temporary (or so they say).

four. i am thankful for freedom. (fight censorship!)

five. i am thankful that a much needed vacation is just barely a week away!

what are you thankful for on this hump day?

it will.

2012-01-17T17:18:00.004-06:00

here via here

i said to a friend today, "good things are going to happen, i can feel it."

and i meant it.

change, a good change, is in the air.

for me. for friends. for 2012.

i am choosing joy and willing it to be a great year. 2012 has accepted my challenge and is getting it together to make it a most fabulous year.

i believe. you should too.

change

2012-01-13T08:19:00.003-06:00

here via here

i woke up this morning and realized someone who used to be a good friend of mine is almost a stranger.

it was an odd realization.

as a person who is in the midst of transition and change, i couldn't really be upset at the person for changing. at the same time, i am unimpressed by the change. i think it is a change for the worse. it certainly comes with a lack of respect for others.

what i wanted to do was send a message saying something snide like, "what happened to my friend who meant what they said? my friend who knew how to communicate? call me if they come back."

but i didn't.

it isn't my place to judge or to say anything at all. it is my place to look out for me and if that means i need to create distance and space then so be it. but that's me. not them.

as i focus on what i want for my life, it is important for me to remember that others are on their own journeys with their own struggles. just as i need to protect myself from people who cannot support me, others are doing the same thing. i need to be a supportive friend if i want one in return.

i think 2012 is going to come with plenty of moments that challenge me and my ability to find peace. however, i think it will equally be a year of growth, learning and self-realization. or at least i hope so! (fingers crossed!)

whatever 2012 is for you, embrace it.

i don't know

2012-01-12T12:00:00.005-06:00

here via here

today i am remembering the little voice i was supposed to be listening to. the one sending up the red flags about people with questionable intentions.

i ended up calling someone out. questioning their motives. telling them it isn't nice to use people. they were insulted. i felt bad for saying what i did. partly because deep down i don't believe it to be true, but more so probably because i don't want it to be even though it is. days later i even apologized. though i'm not sure why. i shouldn't have. no action has suggested i was wrong.

maybe the problem is this person doesn't know what they want. or maybe they do know, they just are in denial or choosing to act differently.

for me, knowing what i want is a real problem. because i don't know. i don't know simple things like what i want to eat for breakfast or what i want to do tonight. i don't know where i want to be or what i want to do minus i know the present situation isn't it. yet how do i take steps to make things happen if i have no idea what the destination is?

for now, i am trying to find peace with my uncertainty and my decisions as i acknowledge that people come and go, goodbyes are never easy, and i need to really try to let go of those who cannot support me on this journey.

hump day

2012-01-11T12:03:00.002-06:00

here via here

my chickadees, i have been a terrible sleeper lately. if only you knew how i was not exaggerating.

one. i am thankful for my ability to function relatively well and ridiculously little sleep.

two. i am thankful for friends who entertain me at random hours of the night while i am tossing and turning.

three. i am thankful for this abnormally warm winter, though i would like some snow at some point.

four. i am thankful that i have a mini-vaca coming up. a long weekend of r&r is exactly what this girl needs.

five. i am thankful for the opportunities we have to continually learn and grow. so often we struggle and struggle with ideas and concepts and acceptance and one day it just clicks. such a blessing.

on this second hump day of 2012, what are you thankful for?

mid-week escape

2012-01-10T10:36:00.002-06:00

here via here

one night last week i randomly ended up going to a waterpark. to say that it was a random chain of events is really an understatement. i actually almost didn't go.

however, it was like a mini-vacation from winter!

the air was warm and a little humid, the water was warm (until you went in the hot tub), the lines were short (if they existed at all), the slides were fun, the laughter was plentiful.

it was a perfect mid-week break. it was also a fabulous reminder that sometimes i need to be a little more open-minded about what other people want to do.

in this instance, at least, i was most pleasantly surprised.

a perfect moment

2012-01-06T10:15:00.003-06:00

here via here

new years eve was a point of contention for me this year. i was either going to stay home curled up with a book or find a way to make the night truly epic. i did neither. it was an okay night, nothing extraordinary. i was mostly home, but i did take a brief break to pop over to the fine line to see big zach and prof (thanks to my rockstar friend who got me on the guest list for a sold out nye show!).

the show was great, but i was tired and flying solo. i had a couple friends in the crowd, several acquaintances, but i wasn't hanging out with them. part my choice, part theirs.

however, there was a four minute period that was just perfect.

prof was on stage and shouted out to the dj for the time. it was 11:56pm. i was toward the back of crowd, in the general vicinity of the people i knew. he started playing "on my way."

this song was the first prof song i ever heard. in fact there were many weeks when every time a friend of mine got in my car, he would play this song immediately.

i was bopping to the music thinking of how very glad i was that i found the courage to come out alone on nye. i was so happy this was the song that was going to be playing as we rang in the new year because it was so appropriate. the chorus goes like this:

'cause that's in the past and it's a brand new day, a brand new day,
i'm on my way, i'm on my way, i'm on my way.

as i am reflecting on how 2012 is really a brand new year and a fresh start for me, the countdown to the new year begins. the same friend who introduced me to prof bounced over to dance by me. we counted down, yelled happy new year, shared a friendly kiss and hug, and he flitted away to celebrate with everyone else.

not long after a girlfriend called and i chatted with her as i cabbed it home.

it might seem like a pretty lame nye. the situation might seem weird. it might seem silly to blog about this at all. however, those four minutes counting down to 2012 were perfect. it was the exact right situation to say goodbye to all that was 2011 and hello to all that 2012 will be.

and i want to forever remember it as such.

(if you are so inclined, listen to prof's on my way. note: this is not a clean song)

let's talk about hugs

2012-01-05T11:58:00.005-06:00

here via her e

remember how much i love hugs? today we are going to talk about how to give a proper hug.

people tell me i'm a good hugger. in fact, i saw an acquaintance on new year's eve and when i was re-introducing myself (or more accurately putting myself in context) he actually said something like, "i remember. we've met quite a few times... good hugger." well if that doesn't just make my heart smile i don't know what does.

the point is. i only love good hugs, not the dumb ones. let me tell you what makes a good hug.

good hugs are a full body effort. they require two arms to be wrapped around another person. you should actually feel the other person. you may even use your hands and rub their back a little or give them a little squeeze. none of this one-armed not even facing each other nonsense.

good hugs (or as a friend of mine once referred to them: slutty hugs) do not involve your rear end sticking out. you should be front to front. i don't care if this is a boy/girl hug, and i do not care whose boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife it is. seriously. get it together people - we can give good hugs that have no sexual implications.

finally good hugs last longer than a few seconds. you hear all the time that hugs should last twenty seconds to receive the maximum calming benefit (oxytocin in the blood and all that), and while twenty seconds might be pushing the average non-couple or non-bff's comfort zone, surely we can all agree that while giving a hug is not the right time to be in a hurry.

i'm sure there are more things i could share that make up a good hug. however, these are the basics, and let's be honest, i can't give away all my secrets.

happy hugging!

week one

2012-01-04T13:10:00.002-06:00

here we go with another year of weekly blessings.

one. i am thankful for friendship.

two. i am thankful for honest communication.

three. i am thankful for laughter.

four. i am thankful for yoga.

five. i am thankful for the silly moments that occur each day.

hello 2012

2012-01-03T12:49:00.002-06:00

i was talking with a friend yesterday and ended up lost in my head.

his ex comes up in conversation a lot. i love that we talk about all things from our past. however, i would be of the opinion that she isn't the world's most wonderful human. true, i don't know her, and i only hear his side. but what i hear, i don't like.

it got me thinking, about how we have these ideas about people. people we don't know. who don't know us. who don't impact our lives or our existence. yet we have opinions about them.

i started wondering if i am "that ex" to any of the people in my life. if there are friends of people i have dated out there who have negative opinions about me because of how whatever relationship ended. this was a hard thing to consider (you know how i like resolution in my life).

all of this made me sad for him - and for all of us who have been hurt badly by someone we love. it made me sad for whatever girl loves him next because he holds on to that dislike. i can only imagine it comes from a hurt place. a sad place. maybe he even misses her but it's "easier" to hate, i don't know.

relationships are a tricky thing. so often the natural response to being hurt is to disconnect, withdraw, ignore emotions and feelings. yet by doing that, we hurt ourselves most. we miss out on moments and opportunities. we hurt those who care by shutting them out. this is my challenge, now more than ever.

without knowing anything about my day of introspection yesterday a friend shared this quote with me this morning:

forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. wish them well, and let them go their way." - anonymous

that is my food for thought this morning. as i focus on peace for this new year. letting go of anger, letting go of those relationships that do not work, for whatever reason. finding peace within me.

hello 2012. i am trying.

new beginnings

2011-12-30T11:45:00.000-06:00

the new year will very shortly be here.

i don't do resolutions. i set goals. intentions. striving not for perfection but improvement. last year the unifying word for my goals was health.

this year: peace.

you may remember, the better part of this year has been filled with transition. tears, struggles, hard decisions, mistakes, sadness. the transition morphs into a series of new beginnings. as i continue to take little steps forward, i will focus on being at peace.

peace of mind. owning my decisions, my actions. the good and the bad. taking time to evaluate and understand but not dwell. learning and accepting in an effort to move forward.

peaceful actions. even in the stupidest moments, it is never my intention to hurt someone. perspective is a tricky business and what one person may view as innocent another views as betrayal. i am continually trying to be more mindful of how my actions affect others in an effort not to hurt anyone else or myself.

peaceful words. communication can be tough. especially in this technological era when so often we rely on typed communication instead of verbal. there are so many situations where typed messages are fabulous. paper trails can be so very helpful. yet in matters of the heart, for instance, talking is so beneficial. there is context and body language. you can hear the emotion: sarcasm or anger or light-heartedness. i want to bring awareness to my words and interactions in an effort to continue to reduce miscommunications and unnecessary unpleasantness.

really i want to find peace in my life. within myself and where i am at on this journey. in my relationships with friends and family. i want to embrace this new beginning and make it the best year possible.

here's to the new year, my chickadees! let's make it the best one yet.

final week

2011-12-29T07:51:00.003-06:00

here

here we are, the final week of 2011.

one. i am thankful for all the lessons i learned this year. the hard ones, the fun ones, and then ones still in process.

two. i am thankful for the evolution of friendships. tough stuff brings out people's true colors. i am thankful to know who my real friends are.

three. i am thankful for my support system and that when i need help, they are willing to do whatever it is they can to help.

four. i am thankful that i believe that things happen for a reason. that i believe i am exactly where i am meant to be. and that there are better days ahead.

five. i am thankful to people who take the time to reach out. who put in effort even when they don't have to. to people who have lived through things and are willing to share their experiences, to send a little love so i know i'm not alone.

really i am thankful for this life, for each day i am given.

with the new year upon us, what are you thankful for?

a christmas tradition

2011-12-28T07:00:00.000-06:00

for the last many, many years i have spent christmas day with my mom and her best friend's family. i talk about this family all the time. the kids are like my siblings.this year was no exception.

thanks everyone for a laughter-filled day!

to organize a progressive dinner...

2011-12-27T08:16:00.004-06:00

to kick of the holiday season on the right foot (and cross another thing off the list!), i decided to organize a holiday progressive dinner in an effort to start a new holiday tradition.

the group in attendance was minus a few people, but all in all, it was a lovely evening. (bethany, you'll have to send me your group picture seeing as nate's head got cut off!)

we had appetizers at bethany and matt's.

nate, liz, mandi, matt, bethany, anna, stef

then went to my apartment for dinner (thanks anna, for saving the day!).

then to nate and liz's for dessert... of the mostly liquid variety since we knew we would be full.

nate was our beer guide.all in all, a wonderful evening. thanks a million to willing participants. i'm so lucky!

parting ways

2011-12-21T10:12:00.001-06:00

ask me a hundred times and my answer wouldn’t change.
i don’t know.
i don’t care.

the how is irrelevant to me.
the why is unanswerable.

it just is.
we just are.

individuals united in friendship.
in passion.
living life.

on our own journeys, with paths that have crossed.
time to learn from each other.

share moments.
discuss possibilities.

from two different worlds.
equally in transition.
no judgement.

in the course of our lives,
a brief moment in time.

in these moments,
we are exactly where we are meant to be.

a friendship set to evolve,
the challenges of distance and time,
memories forever with us.

winter cold

2011-12-19T12:04:00.003-06:00

my chickadees,

winter is here. and although it is an abnormally warm winter. the changing of the seasons has still greeted me with a winter cold i cannot kick.

so while i return to blankets and movies and warm cups of tea, i leave you with this... an idea i am allowing to fuel the great hope i have for 2012.

here

happy monday!

goodbyes

2011-12-16T13:32:00.003-06:00

here via here

goodbyes are a tricky business.

sometimes they are long overdue. necessary. finite.

they can be the result of circumstance and not desire.

a unilateral decision.

the worst goodbyes are the ones you don't want to happen. the ones you know don't need to happen. the ones that you feel in your heart. where even though the goodbye should be temporary you know the slim odds of ever saying hello again.

the most we can do with a goodbye is embrace it. know that things happen for a reason. cherish the memories. look forward to the changes that will come, and believe in a friendship's ability to survive over distance and time.

happy friday my duckies!

weekly blessings

2011-12-14T13:12:00.002-06:00

in everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. it is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. we should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. - albert schweitzer

this post is solely dedicated to those individuals who have helped to rekindle my inner spirit.

one. i am thankful for m. for helping me to talk through possibilities and options. for letting me learn and grow with you. for so many late night talks.

two. i am thankful for a. thank you for continually asking the questions that need to be asked. for your concern and protection.

three. i am thankful for j. for her boundless optimism, enthusiasm and support.

four. i am thankful for jen. for her openness to possibility and encouragement regarding what is next.

five. i am thankful to all my friends and family who have provided me with countless hours of entertainment.

i love you all. i am so very lucky.

who is lighting your inner spirit? notice and be thankful.

a birthday surprise

2011-12-13T10:47:00.003-06:00

my friend j turned 30 this year. she never lets us celebrate her birthday. ever.

this year, since it was a milestone birthday, she gave in a little. her fabulous husband surprised her... (this is now the second time we've thrown together a little surprise for this lovely lady!)

with a birthday dinner with some of her favorite sisters (author's note: i am personally proclaiming us to be amongst the favorite. whether or not it is fact or not is an entirely different question.)
happy birthday my dear friend. 30 is going to be the best year yet! hugs!

holiday cheer

2011-12-12T13:41:00.003-06:00

this weekend was the santa pub crawl. put on by the same people who did zombie pub crawl.

obviously since it is the year of the tutu, we had to have costumes with tutus.

elf. mrs claus. snow mistress. snowflake.
the non-tutu-wearer in the crew opted for an ugly sweater. not nearly as fun.
do you like my mini hat? it is probably my favorite part of my outfit.
here's to a most wonderful holiday season!

weekly blessings

2011-12-08T12:57:00.002-06:00

one. i am thankful for a fun night of firsts that are making my apartment feel more like home.

two. i am thankful for the fun weekend ahead with good friends.

three. i am thankful for my awesome commute.

four. i am thankful it is thursday. i'm ready for the weekend. now.

five. i am thankful for this journey and to the people who have traveled with me.

happy thursday my chickadees!

odd

2011-12-07T12:12:00.004-06:00

here via here

do you ever surprise self? i mean really surprise yourself.

as in you find yourself in a situation that you had thought about. when you thought about it, you were real with yourself on how you would feel, how you would act. yet then the situation actually arrived, your response was opposite.

has that ever happened to you?

it has happened to me lately. twice actually.

it has left me feeling a bit odd and puzzled.

i can't decide how i feel about it.

part of me is happy about the change. appreciates the gravitation away from being 100% type a. the other part of me is wondering if this is some sort of red flag.

for now, i am willing to acknowledge the change, own my decisions and feelings, and work to identify where it is i want to move towards.

happy hump day!

good heart

2011-12-06T13:09:00.001-06:00

here via here

for today, this is all. happy tuesday my loves!

weekly blessings

2011-12-01T10:37:00.003-06:00

here via here

i got my days mixed up i guess. should have done this yesterday, but that's okay.

one. i am thankful that the move went smoothly and for all my rockstar helpers. seriously. a-team all the way. so lucky.

two. i am thankful for all the feedback i got from yesterday's post. it is helpful to remember other people share our struggles.

three. i am thankful for the enthusiasm and support of good friends and family.

four. i am thankful there is so much to look forward to in the upcoming weeks.

five. i am thankful for my new, very short and easy, commute to work.

my little muffins, it has been a week of transition. a first week of a new chapter of an ongoing journey. thank you for being a part of my story.

the little voice

2011-11-30T11:47:00.002-06:00

here via here

i like to believe in the good of people. their intentions.

yet sometimes i hear about situations and there is a little voice in the back of my mind that sends up a little red flag. that asks the questions i don't want to have to ask out loud. i don't want to ask because i don't want to be right. i don't want to ask because i don't want to be wrong and thereby offend the person with the question.

instead i choose to believe that the little bit of goodness i am putting out into the world is worth it. maybe i am being taken advantage of. maybe i do deserve something different. yet in the moment if there is a little bit of something that i can do that somehow makes someone else's day a little easier, i have to believe it is worth it.

i have to believe that spreading a little bit of good, a little bit of joy, to someone who maybe doesn't deserve it is better than refusing to help because they might be taking advantage of my generosity.

i acknowledge you, little voice, i will be careful. i will be aware. but i will not stop doing what i can to be a good person, a good friend, to put out the kind of positive karma i hope is here for the children of the future.

i will do what i can, will you?

to live alone (temporarily)...

2011-11-29T10:46:00.003-06:00

remember all the talk about decisions lately? it has lead to me living alone for the very first time.

here is a little tour...

bedroom.

dining room.
living room.
you can only see some parts because there are still some boxes and things i am waiting to send off with other people. but for moving in on saturday, i'd say it looks like home.

here is to the next chapter of my story!

thanksgiving blessings

2011-11-23T10:40:00.002-06:00

one. i am thankful that everything is coming together for the upcoming move.

two. i am thankful for all the happy helpers in my life.

three. i am thankful that this weekend marks a new beginning.

four. i am thankful for the silliness that filled my evening last night.

five. i am thankful for the long weekend that is ahead.

may your days be filled with love and laughter.

have a delightful thanksgiving, my chickadees!

in transition

2011-11-22T11:34:00.004-06:00

here via here

my friends, i am in transition. if i am more absent than normal, that's why.

lots of changes happening. the big decision i had to make? i made it. not really the way i thought i would either because of the realization i made the other day.

yet i know the decision i made, it is just one step in a much bigger journey.

something new will be crossed off my list.

i will transition, re-evaluate, and decide what i want and how best to make it happen.

during these times, it is easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. easy to dwell on the negative instead of focusing on all that we are thankful for. this has been my challenge this week.

i encourage you to be mindful. when things get stressful, believe that things will work out the way they are meant to. yet do not overlook all the wonderful people in your life who are there supporting you.

elsewhere

2011-11-18T11:29:00.005-06:00

here via here

(i realize this picture has nothing to do with what i am about to talk about. however, it is applicable to other situations in my life right now, so we're just going to roll with it. deal.)

one of the things that has yet to be crossed of my list of things to make happen is that i want to move somewhere else. as in live there. for an undefined period of time - not like when i studied abroad in ecuador or spain or nyc. in those situations i had a plan and a return ticket. i knew i would be with other students, that made it less scary. i wasn't "alone."

i was thinking about this concept yesterday since i have been dreaming about moving to colorado so much lately. that's when i realized something.

picking up and moving across the country by myself is not something that is going to make me happy.

i will one day live in another state or country, but if i had to guess, i will not do it alone. i will move with a friend or a someone.

it's not that i'm scared or that i couldn't do it. if i wanted to, i totally could. i know that. but i know that's not what this desire is about. it's about setting up my life elsewhere with someone else. having that adventure together.

someday, i will do that. someday, i will find my partner-in-crime. we will be in the right place at the right time to make that adventure happen.

for now, i am content with the realization and look forward to the day that journey unfolds. in the meantime, i will very soon be crossing something off my list. stay tuned!

happy friday my loves!

hump day

2011-11-16T14:14:00.003-06:00

here via here

one. i am thankful for the support of someone who has been there. who understands that everyone's transition looks a little different and there is no "right" way.

two. i am thankful that mother nature is being patient and keeping the snow temporarily at bay.

three. i am thankful my dog is so lovable, which makes people willing to help with her.

four. i am thankful that i am an open person. that i am willing to talk about how i am feeling, even if they aren't feelings i want to have.

five. i am thankful that i believe that things happen for a reason. that i can find solace in the fact that i am exactly where i am meant to be.

what are you thankful for today? if it isn't too much to ask, could you cross your fingers that good news finds its way to me from boulder? please?

diva dash

2011-11-14T13:43:00.004-06:00

(yes i know my very tall friends make me look extra short)

i participated in my second 5k on saturday (first one here).

the diva dash, supporting ovarian cancer.

we wore tutus and had boas. it was awesome.

we ran maybe a quarter mile, walked the rest.

it was a great time to catch up with the girlies.

what did you do to get moving this weekend?

always a reason

2011-11-11T11:42:00.004-06:00

here via here

as i mentioned the other day, sometimes we fight with those we care about. old friends. new friends. family members.

when it is an established friendship, you know you can have your disagreement and things will sort themselves out. you know it doesn't signify the end of anything, merely an opportunity to re-group and get back on the same page.

with new friends it is more tricky. there is a learning curve. there is the panic of oh does this make our friendship not worth fighting for.

no matter the situation, in the aftermath of those moments, we often realize a thing or two. these heated conversations don't happen for no reason. most often they teach us something. something about our friend, something about ourselves, usually both.

in the most basic sense the fight reminds us that the friendship is something we value enough to fight about. in my case, i am usually reminded how much i care (sometimes more than i intended to, sometimes too much).

it can be a hard realization sometimes. yet it is only after we realize our feelings that we can understand our reaction and take the steps necessary to move forward, whatever that may mean.

all i can do is continually try my best to be a good person.

today, i remind myself to keep an open mind for learning, open arms for caring, and an open heart for loving.

if you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded. -maya angelou

an unexpected change

2011-11-10T10:03:00.005-06:00

here via here

i read a blog post the other day that got me thinking.

i was thinking about relationships i have had over the course of time and the people we spent time with as a couple.

traditionally speaking, i would have said that, hands down, my friends are awesome and so most of "our" time was spent with "my" people.

i have realized lately, however, that i am more hesitant to introduce people to my friends.

there are plenty of people who are having a heyday judging me and my life lately. (that's cool. you don't have to agree with my decisions. you do have to respect that it is my journey. you can choose to support me in that or you can walk away.)

as a result, i am spending more time away from "my" people. not because i care that they are judging me, because as a dear friend pointed out, judgment of friends often comes from a place of love. a place of wanting what is best for you. sometimes judgments are really just concerns. sometimes not always. yet i am spending more time away because i have a problem with people placing judgment on other individual's they have never met. so where normally i would just introduce the two friend groups to each other, now i am choosing. splitting my time. keeping things separate.

these days that means more time with new people much different than myself. if we're being honest, i don't particularly like being the "new girl" in the group. this time, this group, it is different. not the normal high-anxiety. easier. relaxed.

i'm not sure what happens next. i am simply acknowledging the change, processing my reaction, and letting go. i can only focus on the things i can change.

"do not judge me for you only see what i choose to show you." -unknown

hump day

2011-11-09T13:30:00.003-06:00

one. i am thankful for this abnormally nice november.

two. i am thankful for people who realize that fights don't signify they end. they are simply an opportunity to learn, understand, and communicate. sometimes it is these moments that make us realize how we really feel, how much we really care. (wuv you e)

three. i am thankful that work has been so understanding about what i have going on in my life.

four. i am thankful i got back to the gym yesterday. i needed it.

five. i am thankful that it is only the second week of the month. i have a lot of decisions to make, and i can't seem to make up my mind about any of them. so time moving slowly is key right now.

and for your enjoyment: the hat i am rocking today. suits me don't you think? haha.what are you thankful for my little cocoa puffs?

a weekend adventure

2011-11-07T09:33:00.003-06:00

this weekend was an adventure.

dinner with a friend from high school.

stumbling upon an amazing outdoor sculpture garden.

exploring taylors falls.

good food, friends and conversation.

restful nights and accidental cat naps.

an unexpected concert.

lots of smiles and laughter.

no complaints.

happy monday my chickadees!

how it begins

2011-11-04T12:56:00.004-05:00

here via here

remember how i hate decisions? yet ideas get in my head and i sort of obsess about them because of my lack of patience?

i'm at one of those junctures. maybe the biggest one i have ever been at.

a big decision needs to be made and honestly i'm scared to make it. because the decision i want to make is something i have wanted to do for a long, long time but for any number of reasons never did (the whole, if it is important to you, you will find a way... if not, you will find an excuse concept).

i feel like this time is different. i feel like this time i tried the other options already, and i know that i need something new.

i feel like i put the desire out into the universe and the universe said, "yes stefany! you found your way back!"

now i just need to let go, make a decision, and believe.

this is my life. my journey. if i don't own it, who will?

a day late

2011-11-03T13:42:00.002-05:00

here

oh my chickadees, i am a day late. you will have to forgive my absence this week.

one. i am thankful for good friends who worry. we are creatures of habit and when something doesn't go as it normally does, sometimes we cannot help but worry. i know i fall into this category more often than i would like. it is nice to know people care, that they notice.

two. i am thankful for people who are relaxed. i am trying to appreciate their attitude and learn to worry less and live more.

three. i am thankful for the wonderful halloween we had on saturday night and for the kitty e was able to rescue.

four. i am thankful that there are still people from high school, grade school, who i talk with on a fairly regular basis. it is pretty remarkable given that we graduated ten years ago.

five. i am thankful that it hasn't snowed yet. i know it can't stay away forever, but i am thankful that it is giving me even just a little more time.

even in the chaos there are things to be thankful for, blessings to acknowledge, make the choice to see them. choose joy.

halloween: city cycle style

2011-10-31T10:23:00.002-05:00

saturday we celebrated halloween as cycle cycle tours last group of the year in minnesota. the very last group ever in minnesota for that particular duo. sad day.

to continue the year of the tutu, e and i were black and white swan, from the movie. we won $75 in a costume contest - sweet!

our wearing tutus turned into a city cycle with 14 girls in tutus. pure awesomeness.
it was not the warmest day of the year, but for the end of october in minnesota it was not bad.
these are the only pictures i have in my possession so far. my camera battery was apparently almost dead, i must have forgotten to charge it. so i am "patiently" waiting for pictures to surface. oh the joys of the internet.for now, happy halloween!

the universe

2011-10-28T10:45:00.003-05:00

here via here

i put something out into the universe the other day. i said something was going to happen but in order for it to work, this other something had to happen. less than twenty-four hours later, the first step to the "other something" took place.

woah.

either that is a very random coincidence or the universe is trying to tell me something. i'm going with the latter. i'm going to believe i'm in the right place, on the right path.

as moments come up where we have to ask ourselves the tough questions and make the difficult choices, i am making the decision to trust myself. i am turning over a new leaf. letting go. less expectations, more living.

be here. now. believe in the power of positive thinking.

hump day love

2011-10-26T11:25:00.002-05:00

here via here

one. i am thankful for the opportunity to attend the thought provoking lecture put on by women, wisdom and wine last night.

two. i am thankful for my compassionate heart.

three. i am thankful for those people who take the time to ask the tough questions.

four. i am thankful for all the upcoming silliness that will be city cycle round 2: tutu edition this weekend.

five. i am thankful that underneath whatever is going on, i am a generally positive person who really believes that everything will work out.

happy hump day my loves!

all dolled up

2011-10-25T06:11:00.000-05:00

saturday night was the regions' wine auction at the rivercentre in st paul.

i go every year for work (year one, year two).

i bought new shoes for the occasion since i was wearing a black dress this year (please excuse all the blurry photos!).
i needed a pop of color, for sure.
jim was my fabulous date - of course, he also did my hair. thanks dear, for coming with me!
it was an evening of yummy food and wine and good conversation. they raised a lot of money too - which is what it was all about!

keeping it classy

2011-10-24T09:59:00.003-05:00

friday night we ventured out to dive bar again. you know, that highly classy establishment from last time.

the good thing about it being friday was that it was 21+.
the bad thing is it was much less crazy, there were no pirates or men in bikinis (kate was disappointed!).don't worry. a wedding party - complete with the bride and groom - did show up for some dancing.
obviously we still had a good time, but next time we'll be sure to plan our outing for a saturday night (and we will make sure my shoe doesn't break and that it isn't too big!). especially since on saturday nights wazz is there so he can help us with our people watching.

thanks ladies for a fabulous evening!

feel small

2011-10-20T12:27:00.002-05:00

here

it is very easy to get caught up in our own lives. to wonder how the rest of the world is operating when our life feels as though it is at a stand still. to forget what is happening outside of what we see each day.

but then you see a full harvest moon or the northern lights. you hear about a tsunami or a volcano in the ocean creating new islands. you look up at a sky full of stars and you remember that you are just one in billions of people on this one planet in this giant universe.

suddenly you feel small and are in awe of all the different things that make up this beautiful life.

and hopefully you remember that life is good.

hump day

2011-10-19T11:31:00.002-05:00

here via here

on this day, i am sitting here dreaming of the beach and relaxation.

one. i am thankful for the friends who continue to listen and support me. thank you for your patience and understanding.

two. i am thankful for reunions with friends i haven't seen in awhile and meeting new friends. i can never get enough smiling people in my life.

three. i am thankful that my dear jim is going to be my partner-in-crime saturday night.

four. i am thankful for the upcoming girls night. i can only imagine what we will be laughing about this time.

five. i am thankful for my space heater and heated keyboard and mouse (seriously). it is so very cold at work.

even on gray sky, chilly days there are things to be thankful for. see them.

a small token

2011-10-18T10:02:00.004-05:00

here via here

last night i made a stop at target. i got six things. not one of them were for me. as i was walking to the check out, i was smiling, my heart was happy. i felt the lightest i have in weeks.

i remembered.

i remember the simple joy that comes from doing things for others. small tokens of appreciation or support. silly mail. something that has always been so important to me, that i lost sight of in the commotion of this year.

i'm sure there are other parts of me that i have misplaced recently. i am sure as i move forward, those things will come back. they will continue to add to my happiness and joy, and hopefully that of my friends and family.

for now, i encourage you to see the value in the little things - both in the joy you can give to yourself and to those around you. really, it is the little things that mean the most.

happy tuesday!

p.s. look! yesterday's blog post was one of yesterday's stories over here!

the choice

2011-10-17T11:41:00.002-05:00

here

remember those free-spirited humans i was talking about in my last post? those same non-planners are people who i have never seen get upset or angry or sad. now, i'm not saying they never feel that way. i am saying that they are some of the most even people i have ever met.

they make a choice to be happy and enjoy the ride.

that is what prompted the start of this blog. the knowledge that i have a choice. i may not be able to control my feelings all of the time or the ability to prevent bad things from happening, but i do have the ability to choose what to do in those moments. wallow or move forward.

i might not know where i am headed. the plan may be continually evolving. yet i am here, right now. things might not be perfect, but i can still be happy. right now, in this moment, i choose to be happy.

today i encourage you to make the happy choice. enjoy the day my dears!

uncomfortable

2011-10-14T13:08:00.002-05:00

here via here

remember how i don't particularly love trying new things? i don't like the unknown or feeling uncomfortable. at all. ever.

i am trying to change.

by that i mean, i am trying to be open to new things. new people. new experiences.

remember when i did yoga teacher training? that was scary for me, but it ended up being amazing. just exactly what i needed. next? this winter i'm going to learn to snowboard. (if you know me, you can laugh, it's okay.) maybe my reward should be a trip to denver? i do love that city...

i digress.

i bring all this up because there are a lot of situations in my life lately that are making me feel uncomfortable. people who operate differently than i do. inability to plan things out. lots of unknowns. it is the people i am thinking about in particular. my friends and i are type-a. we are planners, color-coded calendar types. some people in my life lately, they are not. they do not operate like this. at all.

i find this both incredibly frustrating and liberating. the rational side of my brain says just cut these people out. who has time for this silliness? the other side of my brain not-so-secretly hopes some of their laid-back, carefree attitude rubs off on me.

it's like how i wish i could be a free-spirited world wandering type. i think i would be excellent at that. you know, if the crazy side of me didn't require stability and knowing what comes next.

perhaps that is what the world is trying to tell me by infusing my life with these relaxed humans. to worry less. live more. enjoy the moment. all those things i remind myself a million times a day. i'm a work in progress, what can i say?

today's motto: learn to love the uncomfortable.

happy weekend my chickadees!

hump day

2011-10-12T10:21:00.002-05:00

here via here

one. i am thankful that a and m with an i convinced me to go to zpc this weekend. it was a wonderful distraction.

two. i am thankful for the people in my life who are honest and real. who share thoughts, opinions, and insights. who challenge me to be better.

three. i am thankful for yoga. the ability to both escape and center myself.

four. i am thankful the majority of my friends are planners. my life would not function without the ability to schedule in advance.

five. i am thankful for hope and faith. two powerful things that truly help us overcome the impossible.

my loves, it is wednesday. what are you thankful for today?

zombiefied

2011-10-10T07:41:00.000-05:00

this weekend was the zombie pub crawl in minneapolis/st paul. it's a big deal. thousands of people go. i am not one of them. usually.

i like girly things. i hate being dirty. i don't do blood.

yet somehow a and m with an i convinced me to go. the weather was amazing. 80 degrees the second weekend in october. love.

we weren't great at not smiling in photos. it took several tries.
luckily we had a zombie expert to attempt to get us looking the part.
a little bit silly. a lot ridiculous.
i'd go again though. turns out any reason is a good reason to dress up and take photos.

i had a crazy week last week, so i apologize for my absence. i should be better this week! hope you had a delightful weekend.

hump day

2011-10-05T12:55:00.003-05:00

here via here

one. thank you to e and j for a wonderful girls night on saturday night.

two. thank you to a and m with an i for throwing pointy objects at a wall with me last night (read: darts).

three. thank you to my parents. i'm so lucky.

four. i am thankful that i made it back to my mat last night. i had missed yoga. it felt good to reconnect.

five. thank you to the many friends who have made me laugh and smile over the last few weeks. your hugs have meant the world to me.

today's motto was sent to me from the hippie in my life:
put all unhappiness aside, life is beautiful, be happy!

smile my dears!

opposites attract

2011-10-04T07:49:00.004-05:00

here via here

i've been doing a lot of reflection lately. trying to figure out what it is i want for my life.

i love my life. i do. my life is rich and blessed and filled with the very best people. i wouldn't trade it for anything. i mean that.

yet i think about what i want and so much of it feels like it is complete contradiction.

i miss living in the city, but i crave the silence of the country. i would love the adventure of living somewhere new but would miss the comfort of home. i am unchallenged at work but can't figure out what my heart is calling me to do. i appreciate the freedom of minimal responsibility but fear i will long for the chance at motherhood once it is too late. i like making new friends but don't have enough time for the ones in my life already.

i have to believe there is another option. not necessarily a way to have it all but a way to feed those parts of my soul that are unsettled. a way to balance what i want and what i feel i should want. i must remind myself that these things are not black and white. they are so many beautiful shades of gray.

all of these desires, they are part of me. therefore these individual things are not opposites but part of a whole for i am one person.

i am asking myself for patience and love as i try to decide what comes next. after all...

"if your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." - lowell lundstrum

colors of the wind

2011-10-03T08:48:00.000-05:00

here via here

a beautiful indian summer here in minnesota. warm sun. breeze. leaves changing colors.

we drove down to gustavus for homecoming and enjoyed the lovely scenery on the drive.

i fell asleep in my hammock listening to the leaves blowing in the wind and the birds gathering to fly south.

crisp fall air creeping in the open windows at night.

it is not hard to see why fall is my most favorite season.

mother nature, this weather can stay as long as it wants. please?

come and go

2011-09-30T13:42:00.007-05:00

here via here

the people in our lives, they come and go. some people come in once and leave a short time later. some people come in and never leave. some filter in and out over the years at various times, in various situations.

we may not understand the comings and goings as they occur. our feelings and reactions might not make sense to us, even though sometimes we know better.

these people have things to teach us. maybe it is a lesson we need to learn. maybe it is an actual skill. maybe it is an outlook or an attitude. perhaps they will introduce us to someone else who will be vitally important in our journey. maybe they will show us something in ourselves we have never seen before.

recognize that these people and your interactions with them give meaning to your life. these relationships we have, they are one of the very best gifts life has to offer.

take a moment today, as you head into a beautiful weekend, to be thankful for the people in your life. those traveling alongside you today, those who live now in your memories of the past, and those you have yet to discover in the future.

share your life, your light and your love with those you encounter and be open to the message that is trying to reach you.

care too much

2011-09-29T06:27:00.000-05:00

remember how i always say that people tell me i care too much?

nicole sent me this today. it made my heart happy.

here via here

i care too much? i love too easily? i think i'm okay putting those things out into the world.

sending you a smile and a hug and a day filled with happiness and love.

hump day

2011-09-28T13:31:00.002-05:00

one. i am thankful for the fabulous week i have had and that i have planned seeing so many different, fun people.

two. i am thankful for the relaxing weekend i have ahead of me. as much fun as weddings and road trips are, it is always nice to have some downtime at home to catch up.

three. i am thankful that my mother knows how to work a sewing machine. it benefits me greatly. i'm sure she sometimes wishes that was a skill she never learned.

four. i am thankful for this beautiful fall weather (albeit perhaps a little unseasonably warm, but i am not complaining!). it is only my most favorite of seasons.

five. i am thankful for dog groomers. yes, i am being serious. my dog turns into such a puffy mess that i cannot imagine if i had to routinely give her a bath (which she hates) and figure out how to brush out her knots and clip her nails. i will happily pay to have someone else do it. happily.

what are you thankful for this hump day?

why do you care

2011-09-27T06:20:00.000-05:00

here via here

i am not a shy person. or a quiet person. i'm really kind of an open book in so many cases. i will easily tell you whatever it is you want to know about my life, and perhaps more than you would even care to know (yup sometimes i provide tmi).

i care that you care. i notice if you invest yourself into my life.

however, i have learned over the years that there is a difference between the people who want to know because they care and people who want to know because they want to know. people who care have proper reactions. they want to help. they are genuinely concerned for you. people who want to know just to know are concerned about "everyone else." they want to know first so that no one else can say, "hey did you hear..." they like being the person others confide in.

i'm mostly surrounded by good people who genuinely care. in some situations, that isn't the case.

if you care, be there. show up and be a friend. if you don't, don't fake it just to gain information. that isn't good for anyone.

my duckies, be true to yourself and to the relationships in your life. don't pretend to be someone you aren't.

little love birds

2011-09-26T06:25:00.000-05:00

you'll have to excuse my absence. i've been fighting a terribly annoying cold combined with allergies that has left me a bit exhausted.

with that being said, this weekend i headed up north to celebrate the long awaited nuptials of amanda and joe. these two are one of my favorite couples in the world. seriously. it is so obvious how much they love each other. their wedding was beautiful, and they could not have looked happier.
the hotel, church and reception center were literally all across the street from each other. it was fabulously convenient.

the beautiful bride and i, the moh and bailee

tyler and all his ladies (me, the bride, his mama)

jess, kim, paige and i

it was a fabulous evening, despite my exhaustion. it was so nice to get caught up with some of my favorite families. yes, i know, they live less than five minutes from my house and yet somehow we never see each other. truly ridiculous.

congrats amanda and joe!

don't just say it

2011-09-22T11:57:00.003-05:00

here via here

have you ever had one of those moments when you give someone advice or your reflections on a situation and they tell you how wise you are, then you think about it and realize you should be listening to yourself?

why is it that it is so much easier to recognize the truth than to actually act upon it?

i can think of many moments just in the last week when i have realized as i was doing something that it was a silly choice. i knew better yet for some reason to actually act on what i knew was too much.

anyone who knows me knows that at times i am little bit excitable, perhaps impulsive, sometimes irrational. most days it takes me way too long to cut out people who are not good for me. sometimes i care "too much."

i am telling myself that awareness to these challenges is the first step. each time i am more aware that i am acting incongruently to how i know i should be, to the advice i give others, i am one step closer to making a lasting change in my life.

afterall, i'm a smart cookie - i should benefit from all this wisdom! i kid. sort of.

be the change the change you wish to see in the world. - mahatma gandhi

hump day

2011-09-21T15:42:00.002-05:00

you will have to excuse me. i have a bit of a cold this week so things are a bit off. these will not be the most serious weekly blessings you will read all year, i assure you of that.

one. i am thankful that i currently winning against this cold. hopefully it will continue.

two. i am thankful for twitter so that when facebook makes stupid changes that i don't understand i don't get nearly as frustrated as i used to.

three. i am thankful for long-distance friends. even though we don't see each other very often, know that i appreciate your effort. i'm here for you, even though i'm here in voice and words only.

four. i am thankful for yoga. it has helped me through a lot over the years, and i know it will continue to do so. i just have to continue to make it a priority.

five. i am thankful for the troublemakers in my life (j,j, j, a), you continually make me laugh and smile. thank you for being my partners-in-crime time and time again.

happy hump day my friends. remember, tomorrow is always a new day. a fresh chance to begin a new.

new brothers and sisters!

2011-09-19T12:22:00.004-05:00

this weekend we celebrated karen and brandon's wedding. it was a beautiful day.

the girls had a relaxing morning at ivy spa for hair and makeup. then the wedding was at windows on minnesota.all the "kids" were in the wedding. we missed andy. he was able to call though, which was awesome. it has been so fun getting to know brandon's three kids over the years.congrats to karen and brandon. we wish you nothing but happiness! thanks for including us in your special day!

this moment

2011-09-16T12:33:00.003-05:00

here via here

in one of my yummy yoga classes this week, the instructor was talking about life. about how life is not what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow. your life is right now. this moment.

yes, everything that happened in the past has made you who you are. you are exactly where you are meant to be. but your life is happening right now.

let go of regrets from the past.

let go of worry about the future.

be here. today. right now. in this moment.

every moment you have an opportunity to change. to be the person you want to be. to do the things you want to do.

be present. today. now.

live. be.

touch

2011-09-14T10:16:00.002-05:00

here

physical touch is a part of teaching yoga. to me, it is something that can bring a class i am in from a good class to a great class. the connection between teacher and student, moving deeper into postures, having a helping hand to get you where you couldn't get on your own.

(of course, it is an optional piece, a teacher will always honor their student's space if they prefer, but to me, it is a really cool thing.)

while in teacher training, we talked about ways to assist students. we talked about our thoughts on assists. one of our instructors said something that caught me off guard, sometimes that contact in class may be the first physical contact a person has had with someone else all day or all week. it can be a pretty powerful thing.

i, personally, am a physical person. i like hugs and holding hands. i love massages. yet in the craziness of every day life, it is very possible to run through the day without actually touching anyone. that actually happened to me the other day. i found myself on my mat and the instructor gave me an assist and actual tears came to my eyes. it was like, wow, what happened today that i flitted around without stopping for a hug.

sometimes all you need is a hug.

my yogis

2011-09-13T07:01:00.000-05:00

a few weeks ago i had some friends meet in the park for some yoga. i wanted to get some photos for the yoga website i haven't built yet.

melanie was our rockstar photographer. check out her website and on facebook. she also has the most adorable little boy, just saying.

thanks to melanie for making it to the park that night (despite the fact she was waiting for the news on the arrival of her nephew!).

thank you to all my yogis for joining me and for being my guinea pigs throughout my teacher training journey. i am so lucky to have such supportive people in my life.

all photos by melanie mahonen

p.i.a.f. - the year of the tutu

2011-09-12T10:08:00.005-05:00

p.i.a.f. (party in a field) year three was this past saturday, and it was another wonderful success.

this year's theme: black and white masquerade (click on the photos to make them bigger).
as always, the photo booth is my favorite element. the hanging vases were inspired by this wedding.
of course, it was also the year of the tutu.the black and white concept was lost on some people. penguins and flamingos are easily confused. i made everyone take a turn in the photo booth. some were more excited than others.
it was another successful year. thanks to everyone who came out and humored me once again. can't wait for next year!

the countdown is on

2011-09-08T12:58:00.002-05:00

p.i.a.f. 3 is in two days.

year 1

so much to do, so little time. i am slightly unprepared compared to most years, but it will all come together famously, i'm sure.

i'm crossing my fingers for a better execution than last year. (fingers crossed)

year 2

you may not hear from me again until monday, but be excited. next week without a doubt be the yearly recap. i cannot wait for you to see the silliness that is my costume for this year.

seriously. be. excited.

happy weekend, my duckies!

hump day

2011-09-07T12:33:00.003-05:00

here via here

my friends, i'm falling behind this week. things are just so crazy.

one. i am thankful for the time i have been able to spend in the last couple of weeks rededicating myself to my yoga practice. i got so caught up in teaching and requirements, it has been nice to slow down and focus. i forgot how much i love the candlelight classes.

two. i am thankful for all my happy helpers who have so willingly offered to help me prepare for p.i.a.f. this weekend.

three. i am thankful to mother nature, who is allegedly going to cooperate for the third year in a row. i am trying to appreciate every beautiful, sunshiney day we have left.

four. i am thankful for the wonderful people in my life who let me guide them in yoga. it is both an honor and a privilege. thank you, my yogis.

five. i let my excitement and my emotions get ahead of me all the time. i've let over thinking ruin a lot of really great things over the course of time. i've let being me ruin a lot of things because i seek to control and determine every single outcome. letting go of that need to determine and control is my challenge, every day, every minute. some days, some situations, go better than others. some i fail at miserably, but i'm learning. it's a process. today, i am thankful for the awareness i have gained in recent months. with awareness will hopefully come change and improvement, and for this i am thankful.

unexpected

2011-09-03T16:35:00.002-05:00

here via here

i usually take the weekend off from blogging, but this could not wait. that's not true, it could have waited but i am here on my computer having a lazy saturday and so there was no reason to wait. you really didn't need all that information, moving on.

you may remember my mini-rant from a couple weeks ago. my silly notice me! notice me! moment. so embarrassing. however, yesterday something happened that in my head is so amazing i had to type it out so that i just maybe would believe it.

i was at another delicious candlelight flow yoga class with a friend of mine. this friend is particularly fit. she always has been. tall, skinny, tan. you know the type. after class she said to me, "your body is rocking all of a sudden." i think i laughed because i was so very shocked by the comment. of all people you noticed?!

thank you, friend, for the compliment. for noticing. for taking the time to say things out loud.

it takes so little effort for us to share things with others, but so often we just keep them to ourselves. imagine if each of us took the time once every day to say thank you or give a compliment. imagine all the good, happy energy that would be out there swirling about. let's try it, shall we?

with september comes...

2011-09-02T12:47:00.002-05:00

here via here

it's september. autumn is coming, my most favorite season of all. of course, it's what comes after fall that makes my blood pressure rise. the last couple days i have seen comment after comment about all the things people are looking forward to with the arrival of fall: football, chili, apple orchards. i get it, every year i have to remind myself of all the good things that come with the changing of the seasons. yes, i love fall, but i also love being warm, which is why i am none-too-anxious for summer to leave us.

however, this morning a friend quoted a barry manilow song. i must admit, the thought of wearing a warm sweater and a hat and mittens, laying in the leaves, watching the clouds pass by and the leaves blow in the wind doesn't sound too shabby. i will happily wait a few weeks though.

on this labor day weekend, i will enjoy whatever weather mother nature offers us. i will busy making preparations for this year's p.i.a.f. and trying to relax on this much needed three day weekend. whatever you are doing, share the love, spread joy, appreciate the little things.

a day late

2011-09-01T09:54:00.002-05:00

what a week, my loves. what. a. week.

one. i am thankful for my new trainer and the way our sessions are working out. much different than both of my other trainers but good in his own, unique way. his workouts make my muscles sore so he must be doing something right.

two. i am thankful for the lessons we learn each and every day.

three. i am thankful for the ability to laugh at myself. though not always initially, usually soon after.

four. i am thankful that the sun is shining brilliantly today.

five. i am thankful that today is thursday and my new favorite yoga class is tonight. i cannot wait to unite with my breath, relax and let go.

whatever you are feeling today, believe that, even when it doesn't feel like it, things are going right. know what you are exactly where you are meant to be.

it takes two

2011-08-30T12:07:00.003-05:00

here via here

i talk a lot about friendship. about girlfriends, dramatic friends, friends that stop caring. i have told you on more than one occasion that i care "too much."

friendship is a tricky business. in order for a friendship to work well, you both have to be on the same page and be willing to contribute to the strengthening and survival of that relationship. sometimes that is easier said than done.

my problem is that i am a fixer. i like to be helpful. i am a hands-on friend. i communicate, say hi, initiate conversation, start talks to make plans. i take a proactive approach to friendship.

some days, some situations, call for silence. patience. waiting.

i know that this is true. i also know it is hard for me.

i know that for me, so often saying nothing is the toughest thing of all. today, i am acknowledging my challenge. i will continue to try to bring awareness to my actions, to try to let go of those people who don't respect me or appreciate my efforts. i encourage you to try to let go of just one of those situations, just one of those people. your efforts will be better used elsewhere.

weekend recap

2011-08-29T10:53:00.004-05:00

i had a lovely long but too short weekend.

friday was a mental health day. sku, anna and i relaxed by the pool, soaking in some final rays of summer.
later that night we headed to norwood young america for stiftunsfest. let me tell you, that was an experience. a fabulous day and night with the ladies!

saturday i went to the twins game with my mom, her co-worker and daughter. luann made a sign. it attracted a lot of attention. sadly, the twins lost.
saturday night, j and i went to check out maiden dixie at mckracken's. it's a band that my friend jon plays in. if we are being honest, i was a little nervous about going. i had only heard a few clips online of the band, and i was stressed about what i would say if the band was not in fact good. however, it was a non-issue. the band puts on a good show, jon did a great job - so there was no need to muster up false enthusiasm. hooray!

the weekend ended with brunch at wild onion and a nap. good times.

now it's a bizarre monday, and i'm back at it. how was your weekend?

hurts so good

2011-08-25T13:09:00.003-05:00

here via here

i'm having an old lady kind of day. my quads hurt. a lot. even more than yesterday. my lats are sore so are my triceps. the new trainer warned me i would "feel this tomorrow" on tuesday. then yesterday he said he would try to break my upper body like he did my lower body the day before. let me assure you, he succeeded.

as i was leaving yesterday he said i will miss this feeling (of soreness) before too long. because of course as i get in better shape, it is harder to actually make yourself sore.

i know he's right. i know the soreness is because i hadn't trained since the 4th of august and because i switched trainers, therefore getting a different style and routine.

however, today is rough. i aged 50 years in two days.

i think we are going to have a love/hate relationship. much like i have a love/hate relationship with my sore muscles right now. it just hurts so good.

in so many things in life we must make it through tough situations to get to where we are going. instead of focusing on the pain, try to see the distance that pain has brought you. the things that are worth doing, don't come easy. give yourself credit for how strong you really are.

weekly blessings

2011-08-24T11:48:00.004-05:00

here via here

one. i am thankful for all of the new and old friends i was able to meet and catch up with on saturday night. such a fun night.

two. i am thankful that yesterday's training was a success, and i am excited at the opportunity that may come about as a result. (let us not dwell on the fact my legs hurt every time i move them today. so sore.)

three. i am excited for tonight's yoga photo shoot and am so thankful to all my willing and supportive participants.

four. i am thankful that i get to go see a twins' game this weekend with mom (and that the weather should cooperate).

five. i am thankful that i am getting better at bringing yoga off the mat, that i am learning (little by little) to really let go and relax. this is not easy for me, but i can feel the effects of my efforts.

be thankful for the simple things, the little moments that go right each day. be here. be present. live this day fully.

another change

2011-08-23T13:26:00.002-05:00

here via here

today i start with another new trainer at the gym. this change was not my choice. my last trainer moved rather suddenly and unexpectedly. it was a bit of a rocky transition. i tried to have patience, but when that wasn't working, i opted to take things into my own hands.

so today i start with a new trainer, and it's the same part nervous, part excited feeling all over again because every trainer is so different and now i don't know what to expect again. i'm excited at the potential and possibility but still nervous.

we so often quote ghandi and talk about being the change we wish to see in the world. yet sometimes we are part of changes that aren't our choice, that are beyond our control. in those moments, we have a choice. we can stress and pout or we can embrace the change, choose joy and believe that it is for the best.

today, i am choosing to believe that this change is for the better (but if you wouldn't mind crossing your fingers for me at 4pm today anyway, i'd really appreciate. just because i believe it's for the better, doesn't mean i couldn't use a little luck on my side!).

to go on a pedal pub adventure...

2011-08-22T09:38:00.004-05:00

without even realizing it, i crossed another something off the list this weekend.

a few years ago, pedal pub came to minnesota. ever since then, i have wanted to get a group together to go on it. i never actually got around to it. however, some friends did and this weekend we went on a ride with pedal pub's rival, city cycle tours, this weekend for sku and jen's birthdays.
the most helpful difference between the two companies is that city cycle has adjustable seats. as a short person, i found this to be a major selling point since i can barely reach the pedals on the pedal pub. (i even bought cute pink pumas because i was so sure i would be straining to reach the pedals and didn't want my shoes falling off!)

sku made party favors: visors and can coozies. puffy painted and all!rhett and dan (owner/bartender and driver) were super fun.
after we finished on the bike bus, we spent the evening on grand. celebrating birthdays and pretend bachelorette parties.
thanks for a great evening, ladies! we will definitely have to plan another city cycle adventure before they head south!

i wonder what i will cross off the list next...

feather fun

2011-08-19T11:59:00.005-05:00

the invitations for this year's p.i.a.f. surely don't beat the ones from last year.

however, with limited time, i think they turned out alright. they were certainly fun to make.

this year's theme: black and white masquerade.the process of making them sure did result in a mess (on the bed was probably the wrong location for playing with feathers).
as always, i cannot share the rest of the details, but i am optimistic that this year's vision will be easier to implement than last year's (which did not go as imagined). so excited for one of my favorite day's of the year!

on that note, have a most fabulous weekend! i will be spending time with friends, working on house projects, getting my yoga on (both practicing and teaching), and trying to have an element of moderation when straying from my "normal" meal plan (which tends not to hold up real well on weekends). allow yourself the time you need to relax and indulge. variety is the spice of life, my friends, just remember to find the healthy balance. happy friday!

i need a moment

2011-08-18T13:45:00.004-05:00

so i will leave you with these words of wisdom. until tomorrow, my duckies.

here via here

hump day

2011-08-17T11:04:00.002-05:00

here via here

one. i am thankful it is another beautiful day outside, which allows me the opportunity to ignore the fact that august is half over and fall will be here before we know it (i love fall, i hate what comes after fall).

two. i am thankful for the good friends i made during teacher training. now we just have to find time to get together now that we don't see each other 3+ times a week.

three. i am thankful for the relatively low key weekend that lies ahead.

four. i am thankful that i will soon (hopefully) be back in a normal gym and training routine. i am slightly nervous about the transition between trainers, but i know it will all be just fine.

five. i am thankful that i will be able to teach yoga tomorrow. i feel like i am still so early in the process that i will so quickly forget what i have learned (definitely not at the "it's like riding a bike" phase yet).

what are you thankful for on this sunny hump day? remember, even on the worst of days, there is always something. see the silver lining. be part of the good.

pardon my mini-rant

2011-08-16T12:03:00.004-05:00

here via here

i like to think i'm a supportive person. i like to be happy for people when they are working towards their goals and accomplishing their dreams.

however, you will have to excuse this mini-rant.

as you may remember, last year i started on my being healthy kick. i have being doing yoga and training at the gym, trying to eat healthy. slowly i have noticed small changes in my body. not major changes, but the kind of changes that make me think, this is working. i feel healthier.

what is it about the male species that allows them to just walk into a gym and pounds fall off? it's as if they think healthy thoughts and their body just instantly responds. not. fair.

it's not that i'm not happy for the boys in my life who are living healthier lifestyles. it's not like i don't appreciate the ladies in my life telling me i know attractive guys. my being healthy is for no one but myself. however, sometimes i'm just sick of hearing how great everyone else looks. hello! i'm working hard too!

i realize that is not nice of me. i know. i'm trying. really, i am happy for all the healthy people in my life. particularly the ladies - because ladies, i know how hard we work (not that the guys don't work hard, but seriously - see paragraph 4). i'm beginning to think we need a bigger reward for being women than shoes.

thank you for patience, rant over.

i'm so proud of what we have accomplished together! to all of you, here's to our health!

glitter and feathers

2011-08-15T12:30:00.004-05:00

here via here

there is nothing like creating with glitters, glue and feathers to bring out my inner child.

yes, it is that time of year: p.i.a.f. invitations.

i left big shoes to fill with last year's invitations. this year's will not top it, but they are still fun. (see year 1, here). (as always, pictures will come once they are delivered.)

note to self: next time you are doing an art project, probably don't do it in bed. it looks like i got in a pillow fight.

i didn't get everything on my list done this weekend, but i did make a good dent. how did you do?

for me

2011-08-12T10:28:00.004-05:00

here via here

this weekend is for me.
for mind, body and soul.

a little yoga.
a baguette, cheese, wine.
entourage.
starting a new book.
invitation making.
cardio at the gym.
quilt prepping.
park exploring.
painted toes and fingers.
time in the sun.

happy friday!

weekly blessings

2011-08-11T08:55:00.004-05:00

here via here

one. i am thankful i was able to spend yesterday with two friends learning all about social media.

two. i am thankful for the opportunity to catch up with a dear friend i haven't seen in years last night. it is so nice to pick up where we left off.

three. i am thankful that things have a way of working out if we are able to have a bit of patience. it's hard for me, but this week it paid off, and my heart has found a little bit of peace.

four. i am thankful that the weekend is nearly here. i am looking forward to a lot of r&r.

five. i am thankful that i have faith things will work out. i am excited about the prospect of starting to teach yoga, and even though my first idea did not pan out, i am confident that something will. if we continue to put positive things out into the world, they are bound to come back to us.

what are you thankful for this week? hugs!

to learn to teach yoga...

2011-08-08T14:31:00.002-05:00

i did it! as of yesterday i completed ryt200 hour certification.

what an amazing experience this has been.

i will miss seeing my 'omies every few days. what an amazing group of people.

thank you to everyone for your love and support through this process. i am so very excited to have crossed this off the list (it's been awhile since i've crossed anything off!) and to see what comes next on my yoga journey.

changes

2011-08-05T09:32:00.003-05:00

source

we are on a journey. everything is interconnected and one thing leads to the next. when things change, it's hard to identify the why or the how sometimes, it is just the knowledge that there was a shift. there is a difference. maybe positive, maybe negative. maybe not better or worse, just different.

there is no going back, only forward. find peace in where you are. believe in where you are going. do the action to take you where you want to be.

along the way, don't lose sight of where you are. enjoy the process, the journey.

happy weekend!

weekly blessings

2011-08-04T09:03:00.003-05:00

here via here

one. i am thankful for the unique experience we had last night of doing yoga blindfolded. it was seriously intense but so cool. the moments we shared as individuals and as a community was so special. a perfect last class.

two. i am thankful for the amazing experience that has been teacher training. for the knowledge, lessons, new friends. another step on an ongoing journey.

three. i am thankful i have such wonderful and supportive people in my life.

four. i am thankful for the beautiful weather. i have my fingers crossed i can enjoy some time outside this weekend.

five. i am thankful for my physical body. its strength. the ability to heal, change, transform. its ability to learn and adapt. all the things the body does without us thinking about it. its a very amazing gift.

what are you thankful for this week? remember, there is always something.

bigger fish to fry

2011-08-03T09:40:00.006-05:00

source

there is an anonymous blog hater out there trying to rattle my feathers. a person in need of a hobby since they have far too much time to sit around creating "fake" profiles to leave un-kind comments here. a person who maybe once knew me but knows very little about me and how i operate currently.

but let me tell you, friends, i have bigger fish to fry. seriously.

i am days away from completing my yoga teacher training program, and i have a lot to get done. i have an oral exam to prepare for, essays to write, journals to finish, classes to attend. i want to find time to teach and to train and somehow still eat, shower, work, and sleep.

so, anonymous, say what you want, but this is a happy space. a safe space. a space created to assist in living a positive and more purposeful life. a life spent choosing joy and doing what i can to make the world a better place.

lokah samasta sukino bhavantu

may all beings everywhere be happy and be free, and may my thoughts, words and actions in some way to contribute to that happiness and peace for all.

thank you

2011-08-02T08:18:00.006-05:00

source

i want to take this moment to say thank you.

thank you to all of you for supporting me on this yoga journey.

to tom, thank you for realizing how important this step is to me. for your patience with my schedule. for not caring that i don't have time to clean the house.

to my family, thank you for understanding my lack of availability. i apologize for my absence, i'll be back soon. promise.

to my om'ies, thank you for being in this with me. for your kind words and non-judgment.

to all my guinea pigs, thank you for your willingness to learn with me.

to sku and e, thank you for having such faith in me and sharing such nice feedback.

to d, your enthusiasm for this venture has been unwavering since day 1. thank you for suffering through "beginner guest day." you are a trooper.

in less than one week i will graduate. i will be a certified yoga instructor. i can cross it off the list and the journey can continue.

to all of you, thank you. i could not have done this without you. i am so truly lucky. so very blessed.

food for thought

2011-07-28T13:52:00.004-05:00

i will be running around like a crazy person the next few days as i wrap up a lot of stuff for teacher training (hopefully).

i leave you with some food for thought. i know i will be letting this idea marinate with me over the next several days.

source

happy weekend, my loves.